Workplace Psychologist John O'Brien: Five Steps to Overcome Rudeness at Work

PORTLAND, Maine, Oct. 8, 2024 /PRNewswire/ -- Hate and divisiveness have become more prevalent in our places of work. How rude.

"It's as if rudeness and incivility are following in COVID-19's wake, like a new pandemic plaguing human interactions worldwide," says John O'Brien, PhD, whose book,  Rudeness Rehab: Reclaiming Civility in the Workplace and Your Home Space (2024, Indie Books International), is a testament to his commitment to studying human behaviors that affect all of us.

O'Brien contends that wherever there is anger and stress, incivility and just plain rudeness follow in societal interactions.

"I've found the connection between stress and incivility true in my life, even before the  pandemic," says O'Brien a professional speaker and licensed psychologist in private practice since 1998.

O'Brien has served as an adjunct faculty member at the University of Maine at Augusta since 2000 and has over three decades of experience as a psychotherapist, consultant and executive coach.

According to O'Brien, people can identify how violent or aggressive behavior hurts those involved and even those who witness it. But what about the more subtle negative behaviors of rudeness and incivility?

"While our culture in the United States has become much more aware of the concept of bullying and has put consequences in place for those who engage in this type of aggressive behavior," O'Brien states, "most of us are less aware of the more subtle but nonetheless toxic behavior that is incivility."

The book cites the fact that throughout a lifetime, about 50 percent of Americans will experience a mental health disorder.

"When people are experiencing a mental health crisis of some kind, their thinking will be affected," reports O'Brien, "sometimes in subtle ways and sometimes in very serious ways."

The person may distort their behavior or the behavior of others, which can lead the person to be more reactive or uncivil in ways that shock or surprise those around them.

And even those without a diagnosable mental health disorder can be emotionally reactive and engage in rude behavior due to poorly managed stress. Americans are experiencing some of the highest stress levels ever recorded, fueling the pandemic of incivility.

A key step toward regaining civility is to listen to what other people say without reacting emotionally, even if you don't agree with them. This requires effort to avoid miscommunication and to clarify misunderstandings when they happen.

O'Brien says, "It's taken years of effort to work on myself and develop self-awareness to change my autopilot tendencies toward incivility (and I remain a work in progress). My hope is that this book can help to begin to shift our dialogue back to one with greater levels of respect."

Workplace leaders need to be especially mindful of combating incivility. O'Brien offers five steps to combat rudeness in the workplace:

• Be more conscious of the negative impact of rudeness and incivility. Work to understand these behaviors and how they manifest in your workplace, especially when the leader is not around.
• Recognize that incivility is behavior that is often unintentional but nonetheless offensive and induces stress in other people. The intent of a behavior may be very different from the perceived impact of the same behavior.
• Understand that stress associated with uncivil behavior can create health risks. This includes illness in both the short-and long-term.
• Watch what you say and how you say it. Work to understand how you come across to others.
• Have a greater focus and awareness of the benefits of civility. Those who focus on being more civil in their interactions experience greater health and wellness for themselves and those with whom they interact.

O'Brien believes that the health benefits of reduced rudeness and less incivility would include lower rates of depression, anxiety, addiction, and diabetes. Other health benefits could be better overall health outcomes, better home lives with fewer divorces, healthier work environments with better employee retention and increased life expectancy.

"These may be lofty goals, but they are within reach of everyone who is mindful of their tendency to be rude and exhibit uncivil behavior toward others," says O'Brien. "Being civil is about treating others, and yourself, with respect."

O'Brien provides professional speaking on a variety of topics related to effective stress management with a special emphasis on civility. Additionally, he coaches and consults to individuals and groups across various professions, including health care, law, and financial services.

He is an International Coaching Federation Associate Certified Coach (ICF ACC) and National Board-Certified Health and Wellness Coach through the National Board for Health & Wellness Coaching.

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SOURCE John O'Brien