I Am Going To Make One Lucky Company So Rich

Greatest M&M'S® Spokescandy (aka me) Willing to Star in Any Company's Big Game Commercial

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Jan 29, 2014, 10:23 ET

HACKETTSTOWN, N.J., Jan. 29, 2014 /PRNewswire/ -- An open announcement from the desk of Red (which is really more of a TV tray, but I digress):

This week, M&M'S® Brand made a monumental mistake: they passed over the reigning advertising MVP – moi – and instead chose my fellow spokescandy Yellow to star in the brand's new Big Game commercial. At the risk of over-reacting, this "benching" is the most egregious error in the history of sports, marketing, and pretty much anything else you can think of. Which is why today, with this (awesomely written) press release, I'm announcing my availability to star in any game day commercial that will have me. Not just because I want to, but because the people deserve it. I'm a chocolate candy-coated ad-making machine.

Apparently, M&M'S Chief Chocolate Officer Ms. Brown thinks a peanut-brained M&M'S® Peanut is better than me, the guy who for two straight years has been the unofficial MVP of the game according to experts (namely, me). Sure, only 1 in 100 peanuts is lucky enough to become an M&M'S Peanut, which makes Yellow "1 in 100." But I'm a 1 in a BILLION talent! I've been touching viewers' hearts – and stomachs – for decades.

I'm not taking this slight sitting down. Which is why I'm bringing my great taste and irresistibility to any other company that wants me in its commercial. Tax software, foreign cars, internet domain providers; if you make it, I can pitch it. I'm prepared to work with horses, villains or even models – definitely models. If you're making a Big Game ad, I'm game.

Here's some info that will have you "seeing Red" this Sunday: I'm experienced, charismatic and willing to work for peanuts. (OK, bad choice of words in this case.) If, for some strange reason, you still have some reservations about my offer, check my resume: http://indeed.com/me/mmsred. It speaks for itself. And what it's saying is that I'm amazing.

So listen up, Corporate America. If you want me in your commercial, just tweet me @mmsred and let me know. I have the talent. All you have to deliver is the air time ... plus my own personal trailer with a big-screen TV and absolutely, positively no Yellow M&M'S. (It's in my rider.)

Red, out.

About Red
Admired. Respected. Beloved. Using his innate charm and good looks, Red has been touching America's hearts for decades, expertly starring in countless M&M'S® Brand commercials.

Follow Red: facebook.com/mms, twitter.com/mmsred, youtube.com/mmschocolate, instagram.com/mmschocolate

About Mars, Incorporated
In 1911, Frank C. Mars made the first Mars candies in his Tacoma, Washington kitchen and established Mars' first roots as a confectionery company. In the 1920s, Forrest E. Mars, Sr. joined his father in business and together they launched the MILKY WAY® bar. In 1932, Forrest, Sr. moved to the United Kingdom with a dream of building a business based on the objective of creating a "mutuality of benefits for all stakeholders" – this objective serves as the foundation of Mars, Incorporated today. Based in McLean, Virginia, Mars has net sales of more than $33 billion, six business segments including Petcare, Chocolate, Wrigley, Food, Drinks, Symbioscience, and more than 72,000 Associates worldwide that are putting its Principles into action to make a difference for people and the planet through its performance.

Mars brands include: Petcare – PEDIGREE®, ROYAL CANIN®, WHISKAS®, KITEKAT®, BANFIELD® Pet Hospital and NUTRO®; Chocolate – M&M'S®, SNICKERS®, DOVE®, GALAXY®, MARS®, MILKY WAY® and TWIX®; Wrigley – DOUBLEMINT®, EXTRA®, ORBIT® and 5™ chewing gums, SKITTLES® and STARBURST® candies, and ALTOIDS® AND LIFESAVERS® mints. Food – UNCLE BEN'S®, DOLMIO®, EBLY®, MASTERFOODS®, SEEDS OF CHANGE® and ROYCO®; Drinks – ALTERRA COFFEE ROASTERS™, THE BRIGHT TEA COMPANY™, KLIX® and FLAVIA®; Symbioscience – COCOAVIA™ and WISDOM PANEL™.

For more information, please visit www.mars.com. Follow us: facebook.com/mars, twitter.com/marsglobal, youtube.com/mars, linkedin.com/company/mars

SOURCE Mars, Incorporated